Just the thoughts of a girl.

Productive Guilt

I set my alarm last night for 7am as I had a 9am lecture (that’s what happens when you have to get a bus to uni – no more rolling out of bed half an hour before a lecture!). My alarm went off and then I lay there for a few minutes trying to convince myself to get up. It was at that moment that my phone buzzed, which is unusual for that time in the morning, meaning it had to be one of my friends that was going to the same lecture as me. Annoyingly, I’d put my phone on charge overnight which meant I actually had to get out of bed to look get it. I’ve realised though, that there’s nothing more effective at getting me out of bed as a mysterious text! When I looked, lo and behold, I had a text from both of my friends – one saying she wasn’t going in, and the other saying that if she wasn’t, he wasn’t. Not wanting to turn up to a 9am lecture (which usually has much fewer people attending!) on my own, I crawled back into bed and had a nice, if not slightly guilty, nap.

I kept waking up every half hour or so as I wasn’t properly asleep and kept coming up with ways to justify my absence from the lecture. To be fair, this particular lecturer always records his lectures and puts them online for us to listen to, and the slides that he uses move at the same rate as he talks, so you can actually get the full benefit of the lecture at home. Another thought I had was that it’s pretty much a three hour round trip from leaving to go to uni and getting back home again, taking into consideration waiting for buses and things. I thought, if I can start being productive before the time I would usually get home, then I’ll have actually had a more productive day than usual, as it takes me a while to start working (if ever!) once I get back from a lecture. Every time I woke up and checked my watch, I really expected to find it was much later than it was. When I checked expecting it to say 9am, it said 8am, when I thought it would say 10am, it said 8:30am and so on. I ended up getting up at about 9:00 feeling like I’d been in bed the whole morning! It was great!

I got dressed and checked through Facebook and whatnot, and then went to post a card. I was back by about quarter to 10 and had breakfast (I actually have food now! It’s the BEST feeling in the world having food to eat!), read some emails and a few blogs and cracked out the work by 10:30. I worked pretty much non-stop until about 2pm when I realised how late it was and went to get some lunch. An hour break spent watching Call the Midwife, and then I was ready to start working again at 3pm. I was revising for an old exam essay question that we’ve been given as practice for the real thing. The time limit on the essay is half an hour and I ended up doing about 6 hours revision in total for it! The half hour went very quickly after all of that! The most annoying part was scanning the essay (which had to be handwritten) to email to my tutor. I don’t know why but whenever I use my printer or scanner, my laptop just has a complete tantrum and refuses to work for long periods of time. It took at least 45 minutes to scan 4 pages, but it’s all done now.

So, yes – I have food now! After uni yesterday, I stopped off at Tesco and did the biggest shop you can when you have to carry it all back with you for 20 minutes back to your house. I’ve realised that, actually, the thing I buy most is fruit. I really like fruit, but find it really annoying that one, it’s sometimes hard to tell when it’s ripe and if it’s going to taste nice and two, it’s very unpredictable as to how long it’s going to last. This is the problem I’m having at the moment. When I was in Tesco, I went over to the bananas and specifically didn’t buy any because they were all completely green and I knew I was going home this weekend and that would probably be when they chose to turn yellow. Instead, I picked up a bag of pears after much deliberation. I knew pears were particularly risky as they seem to turn from unripe to black in a matter of minutes, but thought – I haven’t had pears in so long, I just fancy them! So I bought them. Now I’ve got two of them sat right by my laptop fan which blows out warm air trying to ripen them quickly before I go home, and the rest of the bag tucked in the fridge hoping they’ll last till when I get back.



I also bought apples, mandarins, chocolate muffins, kit kat chunkies, cereal, bread, milk, pasta and a few frozen things. I think this full stock of food has also contributed to my productivity today. I kept saying, “Ok, work for the next half an hour and then you can have a mandarin/bowl of cereal”. It worked wonders! And because I’ve got quite a few things that are varied, I don’t have the urge to eat them all in one go. It’s hard to explain, but if I’ve just bought one or two things, I know exactly what I’ve got and how much is left. This makes me try and ration everything which just ends up with me thinking about it all the time, knowing how bad it would be for me to eat them. Then I think, “Oh well!” and consume everything in sight! Haha! It’s much better for both my money and my health that I buy in bulk I think!

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that on my days off (if I want to be productive) I need to set my alarm early, but still doze and get up when I’m ready so I don’t feel tired and therefore less inclined to do work. If I give myself goals, both work-wise and time-wise, I get a lot more done but I still think it depends on my overall mood during the day. Some days just aren’t meant for working! But I think I can make up for them by having days which are super-productive every now and then too.


1 Comment

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